Do you ever feel like you’re living a lie? Not so much in a dishonest sense or in a particularly deceptive way, just that you may not be being YOU all of the time.
You Can’t Please All of the People All of the Time
It’s common to aim to please others, worry what other people think or feel like you need to try and fit in.
Do you ever find yourself saying what you think others want to hear rather than saying how you actually feel? Or maybe you find yourself doing things purely because you feel like you’re supposed to rather than because you want to (I’ve definitely done this more times than I’d like to admit!).
It’s not always obvious when we are doing this. From a young age we are told how we should be. We should listen, we should be quiet, do as we’re told, fall in line, be like everyone else, fit in, avoid being controversial, study hard, get good grades, get a well paid job….
We often become consumed by many of these things, our curiosity hampered by a fear inherent within us that we aren’t even aware exists. We strive to be like our peers, we start comparing ourselves to others, we aim for an ideal that a lot of the time isn’t even real. We aim to be the best version of ourselves but in striving for perfection we often subconsciously omit the very essence of our true being.
Stop Comparing Yourself to a Version of Reality That Doesn’t Exist
We see constant posts on social media where people are sharing the pinnacle points of their lives. We only see the good bits, the glossy parts, the fun stuff. We share the parts of our lives that we want others to see.
A lot of the time, we’re actually filtering ourselves, maybe consciously, maybe without even realising.
I have definitely been guilty of filtering myself, especially on social media. I’ve overthought the things I wanted to say out of fear of offending or coming across a certain way. Now I always ask myself….
Are you saying what you really think or are you saying what you think people want to hear?
Of course it’s great to share your successes with the world but don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
The person that is shouting from the rooftops about how well they are doing might have conveniently omitted the fact that it took multiple failed attempts at starting a business to finally start turning a decent profit. The person sharing their 10k months with pride might have conveniently forgotten to mention how much they spent to turnover that 10k. People all around you are showing only what they want you to see.
We often look at others who seem to be effortlessly achieving everything we want to achieve and wonder why they are finding it so easy. We constantly compare ourselves to others without knowing the full story. This can accentuate any fear or doubt you might already have, causing you to block yourself from making strides forward.
Let Go of the Fear of Being Judged
If you find yourself worrying about starting something new or making bold decisions because you are worried you might fail, ask yourself….. Are you actually more worried about what people will think of you if you were to fail more than failing itself?
When you take other people out of the equation, it’s much easier to focus on your own goals. When you focus on what others think, there is a high chance you’re holding yourself back from sharing your true self (and your unique gifts/talents) with the world.
The only way to really be true to yourself is to dig deep and peel away a lifetime of conditioning. Focus on you, not what others think of you (not everyone is going to like you and that’s ok).
Embrace who you are not who you think you need to be. Stop trying to please other people, live life on your own terms, follow your intuition and do what feels right for you.
Be bold without filtering yourself. You do not need to be how society says you should be. We are not all striving for the same thing. Go after your version of success, not someone else’s.
How To Connect With Your True Self
Know your personal core values and the things that are important to you.
Understand your personality traits.
Learn to be cool with your idiosyncrasies rather than trying to change them.
Have boundaries and know when to say no to people (both in business and in your personal life.)
Accept the fact that some people won’t like you. They aren’t ‘your people’.
Follow your intuition even if you feel like you’re going against the grain.
Stand up for what you believe in even if others disagree.
Learn to let go of things in your life that no longer represent who you are.
Be honest with yourself and make sure you are doing things for the right reason.
Don’t ever compare yourself to others.
Don’t be afraid to be different.